I Wish I Still Knew Mary Ann Malone

Aug 20, 2009

I would totally have her contribute to my Mlog. She is one of the greatest living authors under 12 years old.

Excerpts from “An Orally Written Program By Mary Ann Malone” (2004, age 7) taken completely out of context:

“What? You want to know what happened to Mr. Pentagram? Well, he will deny that he is blind and be sent to prison.”

“What to do if you fall into a bucket: ask yourself, how did I fall into a bucket? If this fails, try paying some $50 to get you out. Be sure they take wet money.”

“Deciding what to type is simply outrageous. You have to think of like a main thing or a person or story line. And will anyone like it? Your aunt? Brother? Sister? Parents? Oh of course they will, IF YOU FOLLOWED THE RULES!!!!!!!!!!!”

“There once lived a carrot who never made a mistake.”

“The stupid girl lived like this forever because she lacked concentration. Nobody could help her ever. The End.”

“I was wrapped in my towel, clueless, and then ninjas attacked!”

Had she been allowed to attend school, Mary might have been the Banksy of the playground. I recall a box of Snuggle’s laundry detergent in her brother’s apartment she’d tagged up.

“Snuggles the Bear does not want to snuggle but rather poses for money. Do not trust him.” (2005, age 8)

Oh, Mary, if your oppressively Catholic parents ever let you near the internet please, please email me some of your new work. I really think we could corner the tween Mlogging market, we’d be f-ing rich.

Posted in Mary Ann Malone, Stories, Wishes

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